Rock Bottom

“We all get stuck there at some point in our lives. You can’t help it. You just have to learn to swim through it. Like in Finding Nemo, ‘Just keep swimming’. It’s the only option.”

When you were a kid, you had a dream. A vision of who you were meant to be. You were too naive to figure out who you were at that moment, but you had a vision for your future – a famous actress, a pilot, a doctor, a model – and as a child, you never knew the struggle it takes to make it to the top. An actress was famous because she was an actress, not because she struggled for years to get there, audition after audition.

I had a million of those visions, changing every other day. But there’s something that stayed constant – I’m going to change something in this world. I’m not meant for a regular job and a regular life. My life has a bigger purpose. I was not born to be normal. There will be something different about me. When I die, someone that isn’t bound to me by blood or marriage will cry their heart out.

This feeling stuck with me for years.

When I read Steve Jobs’ quote – “The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – I didn’t just feel inspired. I related. I knew what he meant, I just didn’t know why or how.

The older I got, the more I realized how difficult this path I’m trying to tread might be. But that just motivated me. Everytime someone mocked me, I thought to myself, someday you’ll be sucking up to me. It was an arrogance that I didn’t understand but couldn’t help but possess. Life had probably had enough of it because I finally got a reality check one day.

I was sitting by the window in my parents’ house and I felt it crash through me. Writers often define the feeling of heartbreak as someone shoving a hand inside your ribs and dragging your heart out just so they can rip it apart. But this felt worse. The only change I will ever make in this world is the one to my parents’ bank account as I empty it by living off of them.

I didn’t know how to express what I felt. I was afraid to cry. Afraid that if I let it fall, it’d never stop.

I told someone, “It’s like nothing I’ve ever felt. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to stop feeling like this. I don’t even know what this feeling is.”

She replied, “We all get stuck there at some point in our lives. You can’t help it. You just have to learn to swim through it. Like in Finding Nemo, ‘Just keep swimming’. It’s the only option.”

I couldn’t take it. I’m not everyone. I can’t just get through it. I was different. How could I have gotten here?!

Six months later, I put up a post – “I Feel Like A Failure

The day I wrote it, something shifted in me.

For the first time in two years, I felt motivated to change something. So I did. I changed the way I looked at it. I stopped listening to the rest of the world telling me to get through it. I always knew I was different. So why be normal now?

Why sit and wait for something around me to change while telling myself “I’m getting through it”?

Funnily, I still haven’t figured out what the great purpose to my life is. But I’m a lot closer to figuring it out than I was.

Because here’s the thing about hitting rock bottom. There’s only one way out of it..

🙂

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32 thoughts on “Rock Bottom

  1. Justin Draude says:

    That arrogance you speak of, I find it beautiful in a way I couldn’t describe. Maybe that’s because I posses it, or maybe there is actually some beauty in it.
    Loved your words!
    I’d beg to differ, if you allow me. I think there’s more than just one way, out of rock bottom. I think there’s a million ways and each of us has to find their own.

    Love, Just.

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      I felt weird writing about the arrogance. I’m glad I’m not alone on that one.
      I guess there are a million ways, but none of them go down. You can only rise. I feel like that’s the beauty of rock bottom. You can’t fall anymore. No matter what you try your hand at. That’s how I’d like to see, at least.
      Thank you so much 🙂

  2. Adventuring-The says:

    girl you are not alone! I can totally relate. I’ve always been different and always known I don’t want to live the traditional life and that I want to make a difference. But it’s so hard to find your calling, something that you are passionate about that you know will make a difference and then actually following through with it. Your not the only one!

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      I would do anything to figure out what my calling is. I honestly thought finding my talent and what I’m good at is the challenge. Apparently not. I’m just afraid I might never know the purpose to my life.. *sighs*
      Thank you 🙂

      • Adventuring-The says:

        I honestly think one day when you least expect it, it will just pop up right in front of you. I think it finds you when you ready. It’s like all the quotes about happiness. You can spend you whole life looking for it. OR you can stop looking for it and live in the moment and that’s where it is 😉 Best of luck xx

  3. Good Woman says:

    I found your blog because you asked for comments int the community forum.Your post really resonates with me but I am at the other end of life’s spectrum. To a certain extent we just have to live our lives being open to whatever happens. What you describe is not a one-time stop that you get through and everything is resolved. It will happen several times as life events happen that change your intentions. Even though we think we have it figured out, something can stop us in our tracks. But for me as I got older knowing that I had worked through it one time and then another time I knew I could do it again. Try not to despair. That is part of what as I view as excitement in this whirlwind called life.

  4. StaceyL says:

    This resonates with me and you write so eloquently. Did you ever consider your path as being a writer? Also, once someone hits rock bottom they can still sink lower. Today’s suicide rate is extremely high so for many they have sunk so deep they just can’t keep swimming.

    Stacey

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      The moment you choose suicide, there is no longer rock bottom. There is no longer a way up. You’re gone. And in a way, I think it’s selfish because you’ve stopped caring about the people who love you. I want to write about it. Not sure if I ever will.
      I write for a living. I am also working on a book (will be done in about 7 years)
      Thank you 🙂

      • StaceyL says:

        Best of luck with your book. I agree that suicide is very selfish however when someone is contemplating suicide they aren’t capable to think about others. At that extreme low they have a hard time focusing on what is truly going on around them and living in “reality.”

        Stacey

      • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

        Agreed. I always tell people, if you see your loved one suffering, it’s not the time for “I told you so”. They will take it in the worst way possible. Just stay with them, even if all they want is your silence.
        Thank you for reading and your comment 🙂

  5. likebabybearsoup says:

    Good post. I often feel the same way, like I was meant for more. At times, I feel like a complete and totally failure. Then, I see my son and the way he smiles at me, and I know I’m living that “more.” I’ve said for years I want my life to mean something to someone other than me. And if it means nothing to no one else, I know it means something to him. I have hit that rock bottom, more than once, and because of it, I appreciate the middle ground as much as I do the mountain. Keep at it!

  6. ashleylianne says:

    I’m so happy that people clearly feel the same way as I do!
    I always felt so horribly egotistical to think I was meant for something more, but to see you and so many others agree is re-assuring (or we’re all as bad as each other).
    I’m about to finish up at University, and I can feel myself sinking into a ‘Rock Bottom’ phase because I have no clue how to achieve this ‘something more’, but I feel this post is very re-assuring.
    Disney strikes again with it’s life lessons..

    Brilliant post, thank you for sharing!

  7. Giulia says:

    This is an awesome article, all I was looking for. After months blogging, I finally found what I was searching for, yay! And I absolutely relate.
    I love your writing style and how you keep your blog so simple yet so brilliant.
    Keep posting such incredible articles and keep being amazing; I have no doubt you will!
    Giulia x

  8. ShahShankedRedemption says:

    George Bernard Shaw once said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” Be unreasonable, but be willing to pay the price for it. Those of us who are destined to make a change in this world will suffer the consequences at the hands of those in control.
    I hope you can help me with this. How do I let the community know that I posted a new blog? I used to get a lot of emails when I first joined “blogging 101″ from people, such as yourself, who wanted others to read their post, but I don’t know where that is now. Can you help me?

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      I definitely love quotes like that. Thank you 🙂
      As for letting fellow bloggers know, there’s something called Community Pool on The Daily Post. It’s every Monday. You can check for the time on their page because I know the Indian time for it (10:30pm IST) There you can let people know about it.
      Hope that helps 🙂

  9. d6julezjewels says:

    When I first started reading this post I thought, “Wow! This is incredibly inspirational!”. I kept reading, and I feel such a strong connection to this. I’ve always felt different than everyone else, and for a long time I thought I was ‘confused’ (for lack of a better word) about my sexuality or sexual orientation. When I realized that that’s not what’s confusing me, I slowly put together the fact that I want to make a change in the world by being a public or inspirational speaker….all I knew was that I was gonna make a mark on the world (not to reference August Waters lol). Still, to this day, I’m currently figuring myself out, as your post states, but I just LOVE how eloquent your wording is! xx

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      I think Augustus Waters and Hazel Grace both made very valid points though I relate more to Gus.
      Sometimes, I feel like, the world just doesn’t understand because we’re one step ahead and they’re finding it difficult to catch up.
      Thank you 🙂

  10. Abigail says:

    This has been an inspiring read. I wish you luck for the future! I am also trying to find out my purpose in life. Take it a step at a time, I guess.

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