The Adult Love

screen-shot-2016-09-25-at-3-48-25-pmI remember a time when I only had to feel. I am in love with him. That was all it took. Nothing else mattered. Not his faith. Not his finances. Not his future.

It was always about that moment. Are we happy? Are we together? Everything else will find its way of falling into place.

That ease feels like eons ago. “I love you” isn’t enough anymore.

I sat across the man I love today, with two choices – What I want and What’s right for me.

How do you choose?

Remember when we didn’t agree on movies or music and that was okay? When it was socially acceptable to like different things and still be together? What happens to that when we grow up? Why do we, as adults, become so entitled to our likes and dislikes that anyone who might think or feel differently is no longer a potential choice because “What music do we play on a car journey?”

They taught me in school – Opposites attract. Tell me, do they work? Do they stick together forever? Has anyone tried?

Because the smallest of differences can destroy a relationship.

You like seafood. I’m a vegetarian. We have a problem.

You’re here. I’m there. This will never work.

You’re an atheist. I’m religious. What will we do on festive days?

I’m old enough to find my one. You’re not ready. Should I find someone who is?

Where is my life headed? What do I eat in a day? Will our paths meet if we compromise? But how much do we each readjust before one of us is giving up our dreams to keep this relationship alive? Is it worth it?

So we sit together. We talk for hours. We spend sleepless nights that affect work next day to identify solutions to problems that shouldn’t matter when you love each other. Only to end up with the biggest problem of it all.

What if it ends?

Because, what if we’ve each given up so much to keep alive a relationship that eventually dies? Will you still feel like it was all worth it? Or will you regret it? Will I?

So we tell ourselves this isn’t the time for us. We should wait till we’re ready. But how do you know when you’re ready?

I remember being a teenager, waiting to be an adult. Waiting to be old enough to be in love without complications. When I can love freely. When I can choose the one I want and nothing else will matter.

I’m 24 now. He asked me to choose between what I want and what is right for my life. And all I wanted to say in that moment was, “I want you. We’ll live apart. We’ll travel back and forth. I’ll move here for you. We’ll make this work. I will find a way for us to make this work. I want you in my life.”

But instead I swallowed hard. I tried to find my voice as I struggled to keep my emotions together and said,”I can’t do this. This doesn’t make sense. I have to go.”

Because I’m not a teenager. He’s not my knight in shining armour. We’re adults. Our decisions can’t be based on whim. It has to be carefully calculated. What will we cook? Where will we live? What kind of life will we live? What kind of parents will we be? Will we save enough to support their dreams? Will it mean giving up ours?

When did all this get so complicated?

When did we go from “This makes sense because I love you” to “I love you but this doesn’t make sense”? How do you make the decision to not give the relationship a chance because the consequences are too risky?

How do you guarantee to not change your mind?

Adults were supposed to know their shit. They were supposed to know how to handle their emotions. And I couldn’t. I did what was right for me and I couldn’t live with that decision for half an hour.

Because here’s what we forget as we grow up. It’s okay to not live like everyone else does. It’s okay to not be married at 25. It’s okay for something to not make sense. It’s okay to be excited about something simple. Sometimes, it’s about the person you spend your day with. Not where.

So, half hour after I broke both our hearts, I made a decision. I’m an adult. And I will go after the relationship that doesn’t make sense. And I will find a way to make it work.

Because, irrelevant of how old you are or how many external factors you have to modify, sometimes, you just have to choose love.

The non-adult way.

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48 thoughts on “The Adult Love

  1. unsaid words says:

    As we grow up on the path of being adult ,we just forget the innocent way to love .We just mess ourselves up with so many this and that .In the process we forget our basic need that is love and the innocent way our heart feels inspite of how old we are .

  2. thenakedwriter says:

    So, half hour after I broke both our hearts, I made a decision. I’m an adult. And I will go after the relationship that doesn’t make sense. And I will find a way to make it work……YYYAAAYYY!!! Keep us posted on this love journey!

    PS. Check out my blog too! You could share it too if you find it worth your while 🙂

  3. lifehostage32 says:

    Absolutely love this! I believe in love and am a hopeless romantic. I’ll always be searching for that no matter how wrong not seems. It’s the people that make out perfection and nothing else

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      I’ve always been a hopeless romantic for everyone else’s relationship. But for mine, I’m often filled with skepticism that is born out of insecurities and failures from the past. But so true, it is always the people that make out perfection! Thank you so much ❤

  4. bellamonte says:

    Beautifully written! I have lots of problems in my marriage right now and your post gave me a new perspective again. I think I’ve been loving too much in the adult kind of way, I think we need to re-discover our non-adult love, because we had this once. Thank you!

  5. patricialeapens says:

    Straight talk about how you think and feel is always a good thing. I’ve always said if you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you never will. I think the same goes with love & marriage. You said it well – sometimes it’s the “non adult way”. Good luck!

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  7. Jolene says:

    I really enjoyed your post and I’m so glad I found it. How do we choose? I wish I can choose more with my heart rather than my head. Recently, I’ve been rationalising to myself that it is much more meaningful to capture a lifetime of defining moments than capturing just a lifetime. Your post has further validated my thinking… I would be grateful to have your feedback on my blog if you have a moment sometime? Thanks in advance!!

  8. Only in Dreams. says:

    Such as wonderful and heartfelt post about the tough decisions people dont really talk about especially about how a relationship with two people in love can fall apart. You seem very mature for your age. I’m only two years younger than you and refuse to admit that I’m an adult. I’m envious of your very adult and mature outlook on life. Its extremely difficult to make the mature decision when it comes to people you care deeply for so I applaud you on this. Good luck and keep writing!

    https://onlyindreamssite.wordpress.com

  9. twistingsuburbia says:

    I love this post, and I love the fact that you are choosing love. My husband and I are opposites. Our backgrounds could not be more different – different faith, different ethnicity, different socio/economic background…and it worked (31 years and counting). Yes, we’ve had to compromise, but isn’t that what being an adult is about?
    (btw, what is a dult, and why would anyone choose to be one?)

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      It’s so rare for me to see marriages that have successfully lasted that long. It gives me hope. Thank you.

      I never thought I would have to compromise. It’s not the easiest but the person is worth it. 🙂

      Thank you for your kind words ❤

  10. callmeriina says:

    When did we go from “This makes sense because I love you” to “I love you but this doesn’t make sense”? How do you make the decision to not give the relationship a chance because the consequences are too risky?

    😦 It’s a tough decision though.

  11. itsmayurremember says:

    Just because it doesn’t make sense that doesn’t mean it is not real. There will always be questions like that: would you want to face them alone or throw them in a pool as you enjoy your life with someone who wants to enjoy his life with you?

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