NO.

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“‘NO’ is a full sentence.” – Pink, 2016

I made that bold and centre for a reason.

I grew up in a world where “No” is not always an acceptable answer. I don’t mean being a kid at a mall crying for Barbie. But as an adult, when it’s time for a phase in your life you’re not ready for. ‘No’ does not stop my parents from finding me a groom. ‘No’ does not stop our family from expecting us to be pregnant. ‘No’ does not stop them from planning a life I don’t want for myself. ‘No’ is considered disrespectful. ‘No’ is treated like a bad word. ‘No’ is an unacceptable answer.

But that cannot be an excuse.

I watched this video titled “India’s Daughter.” A guy said she was asking for it when she decided to roam around so late in the night with a man. Really? What if that had been her brother? You wouldn’t have known the difference anyway. I have brothers who look nothing like me. Does that mean I’m asking for it?

In the movie Pink, the guy says, “She laughed. She touched my hand. She was asking for it.” You want a woman to constantly control her hands, her face, her smile so you don’t feel irked?

Dress decently or you’ll look like you’re asking for it. Laugh slowly or he’ll think you want him. Reduce that make up or you’ll look too easy. Come home early or he’ll think you’re one of “those” girls.

Why is there so much pressure on one gender to control everything?

Why can’t a guy control his libido and keep it in his pants? Why can’t he control his mind from wandering to places it shouldn’t with a woman who’s simply looking for help? Why can’t he control his hands and not molest innocent people?

For a world that limits women from so many things, we have absolutely no problem placing her front and centre when someone violates her personal space and hide the man behind reasons that shouldn’t even be acknowledged.

Brock Turner. 6 months for rape. 6 months. Because he’s got a life. He’s young. He will never rape again. Really? This is someone who, in his right mind, saw a drunk woman, pushed her behind a dumpster and made the choice to rape her. If those men hadn’t seen him, he’d have gotten away with it. And so he’d have done it again. And again. Until someday, maybe, he gets caught. The court would’ve said the same thing. Because there’s ABSOLUTELY NO PROOF that he hasn’t done this before. For all you know, that girl would’ve also been intoxicated and has no idea he’s the culprit. But ‘he won’t rape again.’

If she says No, irrelevant of how drunk or sober she is, how many men or women she’s with, how late in the day or night it is, you don’t touch her.

If she says No, it doesn’t matter what you think she’s signalling, how you interpreted her body language or what you think she wants, you respect her personal space.

If she says No, whatever it is your friends encourage, whatever you think you’ll get away with and whatever it is you want in that moment, you will keep your hands and your dick to yourself and walk away.

Because No is not just a word. It is not indecision. It is not consent. It is not an invitation.

No is a full sentence.

And it means No.

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10 thoughts on “NO.

  1. Maze of the Mind - Komal Golecha says:

    So true….I absolutely loved the point made. This same point gas hit my mind after I saw the movie pink and all the way back home I was absorbed in weighing it down and as soon as I came back home I did an impulse post on this.
    “NO is a full sentence and it means NO. “

  2. iKomusana says:

    I read somewhere that, “no is a full sentence and requires no explanation ”
    In my country 3 years ago they passed an ‘anti pornography act ‘ which was translated as the mini skirt law.
    So every time a girl would pass a group of rowdy nonsensical, egotistical male species in the form of human beings, dressed ‘indecently ‘ they would unashamedly grab her clothes, in an effort to undress her.
    Oh the humiliation.
    Anyway, nice work.

  3. meetmeinnevada says:

    Great post! Full of such emotion and truth. It’s sad that rape isn’t taken very seriously right now because of victim blaming when all in honesty, no matter how you dress, look or act, it can happen

  4. marysmirror says:

    I really like the way you put it.
    I myself sadly had to learn that a no is not always seen as a full sentence or as unquestionable of in any way worth being taken seriously…
    A no is a no. And once it is ignored hell breaks loose somehow. I think that is something some people will never understand.

  5. Natalie says:

    YES. Well-said. This is a great post on a really important topic. Gender issues are everywhere, and this is one of the most prevalent examples. Thank you so much for sharing this.

  6. Muthu says:

    Very valid post for these times. Very nicely put as well.
    No prejudiced thought justifies the act of even touching another person without consent. PERIOD.

  7. elvagreen123 says:

    It happened to me in the late 60s, mini-skirts were in. I invited a guy to lunch at my apartment and I had on my new purple mini dress. Later that night when the police were taking me to the hospital, one of the cops said “that’s what happens when these girls wear those short dresses”. His comment sticks with me today. I have not been able to wear a purple anything since that night because of his comment. I still feel like if I wear purple and meet a man something bad will happen. The guy who raped me got about one month. But the comment was almost worse than the rape. Because it told me that as a female I had no protection from law enforcement. We still have a long way to go in that area. But we can survive!

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