Why do you care?

Remember that time your parent stopped on the street to intrude and question a stranger’s choice and you found it so embarrassing?

How many times have you said, “Oh my God. Why do you care? It’s their lives!” ?

Do you follow your own advice? Are you sure?

How many times have you stopped on someone’s status message or tweet and responded to it because it offended you and didn’t match your idea of what is right?

You don’t have to tell me. But answer to yourself with absolute honesty. Have you ever looked at something someone said, felt bothered by it and took it upon yourself to tell them about it?

Today, I rooted for Casey Affleck to win the Academy for Best Actor. Old classmates to new friends had a problem with the fact that I wanted a man who has been accused of sexual harassment to win what is known to be the most prestigious award in the film fraternity. He won. And I clapped really loud.

A few days ago, I put up a status message on my Facebook:

screen-shot-2017-02-21-at-9-49-55-am

This bothered people. Now, my question could have been genuine, but so many people rushed to tell me how, “It’s her body, it’s her clothes, it’s her hair. Why do you care?”

So let me ask you, why do YOU care?

I asked this on my page and I ask this here again: Have we, as a generation, become more easily offended than the ones before?

Maybe not.

Maybe you don’t see as many people on the street to be offended with as you do on a social media platform and so it seems to us like we’re more offended. But is that really it?

Or has the ability to hide behind a glass screen enabled us to become more entitled to our opinions?

We have more access to information than ever before. To different perspectives. Where there was one side of a story, we now see three. We hear things. We can evaluate it. We can choose our rights and our wrongs. But it also means we now have an opinion about absolutely EVERYTHING. Things I didn’t know. Things I couldn’t be bothered about are now within my attention.

I like Barack Obama. I was in the US when he was elected and I liked him. I didn’t care what he did in his first 100 days in office. I didn’t care what his healthcare bill was. I didn’t have access to that information and I didn’t care. But I follow Donald Trump. I know what he’s been doing in his first 30-40 days in office. I know what I don’t like about his policies, his behaviour, his tweets, his language, his manners and him. I have an opinion on who he is and what he does. It’s not a good opinion. I’m very vocal about it on my Facebook and occasionally, on my Twitter.

I find it offensive when someone says they voted for Trump. It’s so obvious to me why they shouldn’t have. But I know that they’d have their reasons and I never comment. I will never go to a person’s status or message and ask them why. It’s their choice. If they thought he was their President, it’s their personal choice.

I can be offended by him. But I can’t expect everyone else to be.

Yet, that’s what we’re doing as a generation.

We’re so up in everyone else’s business, we forget that we actually have the option of walking away.

Because, here’s the thing – Our comment, our opinion, our offense does not change who that person is. Not everyone is meant to think like you or I do. If you ask Trump, he’ll tell you a list of reasons why he acts the way he does. It’s offensive. It’s so morally wrong.

But he didn’t take the office. He was voted to be there. Clearly, there are people who agree with him. I can’t change their minds. I can try. But I will get nowhere with, “Oh my God, what’s wrong with you?!”

This world is filled with people who think and act differently. Walk into the four rooms in my house – You’ll find my father’s room in silence, my mother’s room filled with soap operas and drama, my sister’s room with regional music and mine with Ed Sheeran. This is just one house, in one city, in one country, in one continent on this massive planet.

We can’t all always agree with each other. ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES IS KEY TO A HAPPY WORLD – Isn’t this what we’re all fighting for? Whether it’s in gender, in political beliefs, in personal choices, in opinions – it’s okay for you to disagree with someone and IT’S OKAY TO WALK AWAY.

Manchester by the Sea made me feel guilt and grief when I had no reason for either. It made me mourn a man and a family I didn’t know and doesn’t exist. I sat glued to the screen wanting to reach out and hug a character who felt dead inside. A character portrayed by Casey Affleck. I don’t approve of sexual harassment. I don’t think “settling out of court” is a show of innocence. I don’t care who he is outside the screen. I can’t remember that last time I saw a movie of his before and I might never see one again.

But today, I really, truly, from the bottom of my heart wanted Casey Affleck to win that award and he did. And I’m happy about it.

Now, please, tell me – Why do you care?

Why does my choice of actor in a leading role offend you so much? Why does this become an example of who I am as a person? What about this entire ordeal tells you I support sexual harassment?

Why do you think you could question me about it?

Because here’s what you want to tell people who bring their person beliefs and try to thrust it upon you. Here’s what people who hear how offended you are about something that wasn’t sent directly to you want you to know.

Here’s what you told your parent as you dragged them by the hand from an awkward situation:

It’s none of your business.

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13 thoughts on “Why do you care?

  1. chaos-xd says:

    A very effective, honest post! This world is infected with so many negative and cranky people who are offended by everything that’s not their business! Loved how you’ve worded your thoughts..
    You know the main reason for people to not mind their own business?
    1.no mind
    2. No business 😄

    Have a great day! ✌

  2. thenakedwriter says:

    Wow! I opened this email and thought, this blog is way too long… I sat and read every word! Thanks for sharing your heart! Really good read!

    PS. Not sure if I ever did this before, but Wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing my blog on your Facebook page last year 😉 it meant a lot to me!

  3. TheOriginalPhoenix says:

    Preach it girl. There’s so much hypocrisy around people saying they don’t care what others think and not to judge. It’s maddening. Personally I don’t care what I wear to the grocery store. If I look like a train wreck, I probably am. As for people who voted for Trump, I can’t support their decision but I know why they made it. (However, I worry they’ve been played.)

  4. Matthew says:

    I think it’s good to have healthy conversation and debate with people but I also don’t think that an argument on Facebook comment sections is the place (even though that’s kind of what they’re designed for). I don’t know, to me people who are so open with their opinions online are attention seekers to a certain extent. (I’ve only just realised the irony of me saying this on a comment section online). Nice post either way 🙂

  5. Quinn says:

    I suppose to me the comment about women who dress up to go shopping is an example of what you’re discussing in this post. Like, it’s not your business. In the words of Disney icon, Elsa, ‘Let it go.’

    And I say that as someone who has never dressed up to go shopping in her entire life, and in fact has probably (definitely) tweeted similar things about classmates wearing false eyelashes to university. WHY? Who knows. It’s not really my business though. If they want to get up two hours early to glue on strips of plastic to their eyes and put on instagram make-up just to attend a class on Conflict Resolution… more power to them. They are obviously less lazy than I.

    It’s hard to take a real stance on this because we all do it. We ALL do it even if we try not to, because we all have opinions and we all verbalise them every so often… I guess if we just try not to verbalise opinions that are mean or unkind about people…?

    Hmmm. It’s a tough one. Thanks for the food for thought!

    • LoudThoughtsVoicedOut says:

      ” If they want to get up two hours early to glue on strips of plastic to their eyes and put on instagram make-up just to attend a class on Conflict Resolution…” This cracked me up so hard. True. But that’s the thing. Maybe mine was genuine curiosity that looked offensive to someone else. (Maybe it doesn’t sound very realistic with this status message, but that tends to happen a lot.)
      I know how difficult swallowing a mean comment is. It’s an everyday battle that’s super tiring. But I guess that’s the best place to start?
      Thank you for reading and the comment! 😀 ❤

  6. CJ Staryk says:

    Interesting perspective. A few years ago, I was driving in my hometown. This car was passing me and there was a girl in the back seat waving at me. I have this octopus puppet on my dashboard that I used to entertain myself and others when stuck gridlock traffic (I’m weird). Anyway, I waved at her with the puppet. They drove passed me and I saw a Bush/Cheney sticker on the car. In the back of my mind, I felt that ridiculous political anger at the car, when I was just communicating with the little girl in the back seat. I’ve never really forgotten that moment, it was a much needed moment of introspection. Why would a sticker be more important than a person, or a child.

    I’m now thinking this post may be a little off-topic, but I’ll just keep an eye out for more of your work.

  7. babblingsofanobody says:

    I totally get your point. And I really loved how you started your post. You made everyone think, “Yes right. How many times my parents have embarrassed me by being so judgemental on the street” and then you turned it around and pointed out how we do the same. And there was no way for the readers to escape. That was witty.
    A really well written and honest post! Though, of course, I was among those who totally didn’t want him to win the Oscar but each to his own. 🙂

  8. Carol J Forrester says:

    This is really well written and had me thinking about my own behaviour.
    To be honest, I scroll past a lot of stuff on facebook these days and don’t tend to comment unless it’s to share in something really happy with those I consider close friends, but that has come from being sick of how much energy arguing the toss takes out of me.
    I’ve always had friends with very varied opinions, some of which infuriate me no end, but it’s taught me to be more accepting of the fact that not everyone thinks the same way.
    Great, honest post. Well done.

  9. Kristen Walker says:

    I stood up and clapped for this (in my head of course because I am at work). But I think this was spot on, so spot on. You took the words out of my mouth. We have so many different points of views and are polar opposites, but that is okay and quite frankly the way it is supposed to be. How boring would this world be if we were all the same and had the same thoughts? Thanks for a great read! I look forward to more!

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